It’s Friday, the work week is nearing its demise (until it rears its hideous morning face on Monday) — I think it’s time for a treat.
When you read the word “fantasy,” what’s one of the first things (if not the first thing) that pops into your dirty little mind? Come on, admit it — even the most ardent fantasy basketball junkie can’t stop his subconscious from conjuring up images of the fairest celebrity crushes.
So what better way to combine these two wonderful realms than to bring them together in a single post comparing fantasy ballers and fantasy women?
Let’s kick off this newfangled concept with Dwyane Wade and Jessica Alba. What do these two people have in common — besides being named to People’s list of the “50 Most Beautiful People” in 2005? We’ll answer this by taking a look at Ms. Alba’s recent life, along with some parallels to Wade’s situation [in brackets].
Jessica [Wade] has experienced a lot of changes in the last couple years. She was (and continues to be, for some) a perennial candidate for “hottest thing on two legs” [a fantasy stud] in the eyes of many slack-jawed men [fantasy owners]. However, that glorious run hit a speed bump when she welcomed two people into her life: the despicable Cash Warren [LeBron James] and her baby girl, Honor [Chris Bosh]. Both Warren and his daughter appeared to have ruined Jessica’s desirability — after all, it’s not all that fun to long for a mother disgracefully married to a bum who doesn’t deserve her toenail clippings, let alone…her. Warren immediately became both the luckiest man on the face of the earth and the most despised for all but cementing his spot with the woman-of-hot-desire for so many men [championships] through sly, dishonorable tactics [The Decision, etc. Need more be said?]. Honor, though having an indirect hand in putting a damper on her mother’s hotness, really can’t be blamed for doing anything wrong. Can you blame her for being born and going along for the ride [hitching your wagon to two superstars, without any legacy to risk]? Despite all the damage done to her ranking on the totem pole of celebrity goddesses [fantasy ranking], Jessica has taken good care of herself and remains a woman of intense desire, albeit a slightly less prominent one [from early to mid/late round one].
Now the question is, who’s the real manna from heaven: Dwyane Wade at the end of round one, or Jessica Alba post-marriage/birth? Vote in the poll below and let us hear your thoughts in the comments section.